3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
