They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
