Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
