have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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