I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
