Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
