I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
