i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
