please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
