Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
