he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You're like the curious george of whores
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
