I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
