The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
