I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize