I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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