I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
