It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
