I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
