I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
