You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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