I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
