So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
