I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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