I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
