She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
