He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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