you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm both gender and math confused
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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