if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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