did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
