My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Be still, my beating vagina.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
