you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize