Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well I just put wine in my tea
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
