I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
