38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
