Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
