I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How does one acquire holy water?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
