Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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