I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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