This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
