i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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