I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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