She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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