Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They took my balls.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize