help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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