the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
