my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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