dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
its not stalking. its research.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
