were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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