I heard we made out
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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