while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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