community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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