She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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