Are we in a gay sports bar?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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