you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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