You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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