you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize