It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
