it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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