I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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