so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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