im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
