If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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