Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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