if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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