You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
