I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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