my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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