:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
