My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
