as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
