I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
a search helicopter?!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
