he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
