Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You need a sexual gate keeper
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
